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[31 Aug 2009|03:05pm]  trying to determine whether some of my "depressive actions" are a problem or just sadomasochism. haha I choose the latter  OOOMODEL

CORONARY THIEF(S) [16 Aug 2009|10:53am] Coming up beyond belief On this coronary thief. More than just a leitmotif More chaotic, no relief. I'll describe the way I feel Weeping wounds that never heal. Can the savior be for real Or are you just my seventh seal? No hesitation, no delay. You come on just like special K. Just like I swallowed half my stash. I never ever want to crash. No hesitation, no delay. You come on just like special K. Now you're back with dope demand. I'm on sinking sand. Gravity. No escaping gravity. Gravity. No escaping... not for free. I fall down... hit the ground. Make a heavy sound, Every time you seem to come around I'll describe the way I feel, You're my new Achilles heel. Can this savior be for real? Or are you just my seventh seal? No hesitation, no delay. You come on just like special K. Just like I swallowed half my stash. I never ever want to crash. No hesitation, no delay. You come on just like special K. Now you're back with dope demand. I'm on sinking sand. Gravity. No escaping gravity. Gravity. No escaping... not for free. I fall down... hit the ground. Make a heavy sound. Every time you seem to come around. No escaping gravity OOOMODEL

[26 Jul 2009|09:49pm] silly little young emotions. I still think back and question my actions. I get so discouraged. I just realize that nothings ever been that good. I don't think I've ever been as blissful as I was 'back in the day.' But I wouldn't change a thing. I love who I am now, I just wish I would have acted differently...maybe had more closure. Why do I continue to dwell on it? Whyyy does this come back to haunt me to this day. I thought I put those feelings to rest but I guess all my failed attempts at the birth of butterflies are a constant reminder that I fucked myself over. and being a lesbian isn't working out too well either. Hot girls where art thou! god I'm so depressing. on a positive note, I cut a fellows hair named LANCELOT. He gave me his number. He was going to the Getty on acid proceeding his hair cut. Stupid cliche eye ying yang shit. but wait, I'm trying not to judge, and WAIT! HIS NAMES LANCELOT. who knows, maybe I'll give King Arthur's banished knight a chance. I couldn't imagine having sex with a guy though. Lady Gaga why do you have to be so fucking ugly and annoying. 2 OOOMODEL

[23 Jul 2009|04:36pm] Dear Brooke, Or Jacade, as I once knew you, or Alison as I once knew you. Tarry yet a little, and hearken unto me! This is the key to my heart, a sacred domain where the existence of BB is always celebrated. I hereby grant you unlimited access to its many chambers, but also issue a warning. This “heart” that I speak of is inextricably bound to my personality the ephemeral ego, that which will fade at the time of my death. For when I exit, the life cycle will continue and my energy will transfer from this body elsewhere taking all the fond memories, thoughts, feelings, perceptions etc. and inter-personal connections pertaining to you along with it. This doesn’t necessarily mean that they will be lost forever, but they will from that point onwards, probably be doomed to live on vaguely, as a specter would, in the out of reach sub-conscious mind of my next incarnation. I simply mean to say that once I pass away, the lock to my heart will be destroyed, lost forever, and this key will be a tangible remnant of my sentiment. Until this Osip is lost, use the key well. Do expect to find chaos in this heart of mine. Osip OOOMODEL

[07 Jun 2009|11:47pm] Disappointed once again. This is why I don't talk to people. I put way to much trust in your pathetic ass and you even fooled me right up till the last moment. Like you said, "you just wanted to get your Johnson wet" This is what I get for being a horn dog and then expecting guys to also want to be my friend. Grrr. At least I did something. I left my house. And at least I stand up for myself. My pride is way more important than curing this horrible sexual frustration. I did let him put my boobs in his mouth…and suck on my neck… but hey, I wont lie I enjoyed it. And I got to experience a fucking nuts light show that looked like panes of crushed rubies laid against the tree branches. I need to start fresh and when I do I’m gonna make their asses wait. Never thought I’d be saying this. I’m just really sick of being used for my b.bedhead. Seriously starting to I think I’m a full blown lesbian. OOOMODEL

BLAST! [24 May 2009|01:30pm] fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck I HATE COCK BLOCKS. Today there was a FUCKING beautiful and perfectly aged (old) rock star in Trader Hoes.  I happened to have gone with my mother, father, and grandmother uuuuuuuhhhg.  I saw him walk in and he was so delicious I could hardly even look at him until he melted through my brain with the most intense stare I’ve ever fucking seen in my life.   I swear it was from a movie.  I think the world stopped when we made eye contact.  Oh god I make myself laugh.  I actually saw the words in his eyes "fuck me fuck me fuck me fuck me," and I think he read it right back.  This was all fine and dandy until my dad and gma intercepted.  So pissed.  I would have been unbelievably satisfied sexually for years.  I'm so into older men now but I've been so deprived from going to school with all STRAIGHT girls that I’m straying towards bad news boys.  My inappropriate crushes are getting too inappropriate.  This bad boy, scuse me, MAN was not bad news.  I haven't gotten laid in.............oh shit.  It’s only been three months, I sound like a whore.  I've been cursed by the randy wizard.  I feel really sorry for people that save themselves for marriage.  How can anyone do that?  I guess I just have more testosterone that them.  SIR PSYCHO SEXY, WHERE ART THOU.  OOOMODEL

my first rock, and ROLL [21 May 2009|09:48pm] failed bleach attempt from orange to gwen. hatching hen silver pen gimme yen macho men sun blayched sken sir named ben super zen red rice den barbie and qen OOOMODEL

ak [10 May 2009|02:16pm] "we are energy to the 15th power. It comes from keeping the barnicals off your boner." OOOMODEL

ak [10 May 2009|02:16pm] "one thing I can gather from this home, other than you like dark, red velvet, is that you really like boobs." OOOMODEL

[01 Apr 2009|07:24pm] I'm shocked at how much I relate to my zodiac sign. Pisces, Pisceans possess a gentle, patient, malleable nature. They have many generous qualities and are friendly, good natured, kind and compassionate, sensitive to the feelings of those around them, and respond with the utmost sympathy and tact to any suffering they encounter. They are deservedly popular with all kinds of people, partly because their easygoing, affectionate, submissive natures offer no threat or challenge to stronger and more exuberant characters. They accept the people around them and the circumstances in which they find themselves rather than trying to adapt them to suit themselves, and they patiently wait for problems to sort themselves out rather than take the initiative in solving them. They are more readily concerned with the problems of others than with their own. Their natures tend to be too otherworldly for the practical purposes of living in this world as it is. They sometimes exist emotionally rather than rationally, instinctively more than intellectually (depending on how they are aspected). They long to be recognized as greatly creative. They also dislike disciple and confinement. The nine-to-five life is not for them. Any rebellion they make against convention is personal, however, as they often times do not have the energy or motivation to battle against the Establishment. Pisceans tend to withdraw into a dream world where their qualities can bring mental satisfaction and sometimes, fame and financial reward for they are extremely gifted artistically. They are also versatile and intuitive, have quick understanding, observe and listen well, and are receptive to new ideas and atmospheres. All these factors can combine to produce remarkable creativity in literature, music and art. They may count among their gifts mediumistic qualities which can give them a feeling that their best work comes from outside themselves, "Whispered beyond the misted curtains, screening this world from that." Even when they cannot express themselves creatively they have a greater than average instinct for, and love of, beauty in art and nature, a catlike appreciation of luxury and pleasure, and a yearning for new sensations and travel to remote, exotic places. OOOMODEL

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